How To Handle Common Childhood Fears

In this TV interview with Charlotte Today, Dr. Christopher McCarthy discusses ways to handle common childhood fears. It's loaded with helpful content for parents of children ages 4-10 years old.

How To Handle Common Childhood Fears

An Inspirational Video

I think this is great!

Socially anxious parents can negatively affect their children

Parents with Social Anxiety disorder can negatively affect their kids, increasing their chances of struggling with the same disorder.

"These behaviors included a lack of or insufficient warmth and affection and high levels of criticism and doubt leveled at the child. Such behaviors, the researchers say, are well known to increase anxiety in children and -- if engaged in chronically -can make it more likely for children to develop a full-blown anxiety disorder of their own, the investigators say."

To see the research article, click on this link:  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/11/121101171946.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sciencedaily%2Fmind_brain%2Fchild_psychology+%28ScienceDaily%3A+Mind+%26+Brain+News+--+Child+Psychology%29

Studies show that people adjust faster, and find happiness quicker, when the choice and outcome is definitive, that is black and white with no options. For example, the difference between a pre-paid debit card vs. a credit card. If a teenager is given a pre-paid debit card to take to the mall, the parent can rest easily because they know their child can only spend a definitive amount and that’s it. There is no other option available to them. However, with a credit card, you can tell your child to only spend a $100, but they can spend more. How can you rest knowing that your impulsively minded child can spend all the way up to your credit limit, the point where a definitive limit is finally set? Plus, you child will focus on the option to spend more and how they will justify their spending to you later, vs. just accepting the limit of the debit card and moving on.

The same is true when helping an anxious child overcome their fears. They love options because that gives them a sense of more control and more opportunities to exit a situation. However, anxiety is overcome by building a tolerance to the thing feared, so they must learn to stay put and endure the anxious feelings that come until they peak and subside once more.

Let’s say your son is 12 years old and struggling with attending school. You’ve been practicing the stair-stepping method of exposure therapy and he’s been doing very well. He’s learned over several steps to drive up to the school, then go to an empty classroom in school, then walk across the campus and back a few times. Great progress! Now he’s ready to stand in a hallway during a class change, simply stand there while the kids scurry about to their lockers and such while switching classes. There’s a lot of commotion but it only last for 5 minutes, then it’s quiet again. This is a different type of exposure therapy;  instead of a gradual exposure to something, the individual must dive into the fear and survive it until their fear subsides or a certain amount of time passes. In the Turnaround program, we refer to these two techniques as  stair-stepping and taking-the-plunge. For this next step, the boy must take the plunge and survive it for 5 minutes.

In order to successfully complete this step, it is best for the child to see this as a definitive, no options exercise. His focus should not be on how he can exit the situation if he gets anxious but rather on how he will cope with the anxiety when it comes, accepting that there are no options to flee but only to survive. Focus on ways to tolerate the fears as they spike up, through breathing, muscle, and visualization exercises to name a few.

Your child will most likely resist doing this exercise at first, but once they accept that they have to go through this in order to overcome their anxieties (another definitive outcome they must accept), they will then agree to it and begin preparing themselves for it. There will be a great deal of dread  as they start it, but they will fell soooo good after they have accomplished their goal. Their confidence builds and their willingness to face greater fears increases.

For additional help for an anxious child, see www.myanxiouschild.com

 

The Benefits of Texting & Facebook for Teens, And Reasons Why Parents Should Allow It Within Limits.

Recent research findings indicate that modern-day modes of communication can greatly benefit teens, especially anxious teens and boys. Teens in general, and anxious teens in particular, greatly fear humiliation and rejection. Developing new friendships, and deepening existing friendships, can be quite difficult for them. Using texting, instant messaging, and Facebook can help the them by providing some space and protection from potential, immediate negative feedback which would cause the teen to shutdown and withdraw. These modalities allow them to take greater risks of healthy self-disclosure that can enhance friendship development and ultimately increase self-confidence and well-being. This is proven in the research. Social networks, like Facebook, break down barriers to communication, such as cliques, popularity, socio-economics, and physical separation. Kids who normally wouldn't speak to each other at school are now able to connect and built friendships. There is a greater community being experienced online than at school.

Eight-years ago only 11% of a teen's friends were online. Now, only about 11% are NOT online. Teens online now communicate almost exclusively with their friends. In the past, they mainly communicated with strangers in chat rooms. In today's culture, if your teen does not have access to texting or Facebook, they could be completely left out of their community network. In my practice, I have seen teen's mentally health improve by utilizing these means of communication. They have more friends, closer friends, and feel better about themselves. It contradicts what we first thought would happen years ago, that kids would become even more socially isolated, but it's true. They still need face-to-face interaction, but the use of these technologies can make that connection less difficult to initiate and maintain.

Many parents, especially anxious parents, fear the new means of communication- cell phones, texting, instant messaging, Facebook and Myspace, but things have changed for the better over the last decade. Security applications and parental controls for Facebook and cell phones have greatly improved. Parents can now monitor and limit the amount of usage for cell phones, texting, and social networking activities. Facebook settings allow for your child's profile information to only be seen by friends. Nothing's perfect of course, but multiple research studies indicate that these communication formats are much safer and that there are benefits for the teen being plugged in.

Some further suggestions for parents who decide to let their teens use these technologies:

**Join the revolution and stop criticizing these new forms of communication (it only makes you look old). These things are here to stay. Get a phone that allows you to text. Get a Facebook account and become your child's friend. Knowledge always breaks down fear. Interact with these technologies to gain a better understanding of your child's world.

**Protect your teen from pornography, especially if you have a son. The percentage of male teens who view pornography on a regular basis has skyrocketed over the last decade. Never before in the history of mankind has the accessibility of porn been so easy for young men to obtain. Don't assume your child would never view it. I can't tell you how many times I've worked with parents shocked by their son's porn use, often for years. Regardless of your personal views regarding pornography, research overwhelming indicates that the viewing of porn by young men is significantly harmful. Get protection for your home computers, and your child's smart phone, PSP, or iTouch. Yes, these devises can access the internet and therefore porn. Since the iTouch came out and replaced the more common iPod, many young men view porn on it. Apple has software that will block it, but you must install it. Protect your child's future from sexual addiction and problems with intimacy by protecting them now!

** Limit texting to 120 texts per day, and social networking to less than 3-hours per day. Research indicates that surpassing these levels of use greatly increases the chance of being involved with more negative things like smoking, drug & alcohol use, fighting, and promiscuous sexual behavior. The use of these communication technologies follows the law of diminishing returns, which states that something is beneficial up to a point of use. Then, with every increment of greater use, it becomes more harmful. Think of Aspirin- very helpful up to a point, then harmful and even lethal. I recommend to my clients allowing their teen to have a half-hour of free time when they get home from school to text, facebook, or play a video game. Then ALL technologies should be off when they do homework, except maybe some music in the background. Then once they are done, they can resume activities. Use of these things should be less during the school week than the weekend. I'd suggest a maximum of 2-hours of all media during the week and 4-5 hours on weekend days. Texting can be for a little longer as long as it does not exceed the limit stated above.

Teach your child to compartmentalize and balance these wonderful new inventions, whether it be communication technologies or video games. They need to learn how to use them, and when to turn them off so that they don't distract them or rob them of more relationship enhancing activities. The world is an ever changing place and we must change with it so that we can properly guide our young people to maximize the new technologies and minimize their risks.

Christopher McCarthy, MEd, LPC (www.myanxiouschild.com)

References: 1.) "Social Consequences of the Internet for Adolescents: A decade of research. Patti Valkenburg & Jochen Peter. Published by Association of Psychological Sciences, 18 (1), 2010. 2.) Hyper-texting and Hyper-Networking pose new health risks for teens. Scott Frank. APHA annual meeting, 2010.

Turnaround: Turning Fear Into Freedom wins award!

The child anxiety product I co-created, Turnaround, was awarded the "Parent Tested, Parent Approved" (PTPA) seal of excellence! Turnaround was reviewed by an independent panel of parents and found to be "exceptional in value, functionality, quality, and appeal." Follow the link to read more.

http://www.ptpamedia.com/winning_products.php

Tough Choices: Taking "Ella" or Not?

Pam knows about the pain of considering abortion. More than 21 years ago, she and her husband, Bob, were serving as missionaries to the Philippines and praying for a fifth child. Pam contracted amoebic dysentery, an infection of the intestine caused by a parasite found in a contaminated food or drink. She entered into a coma and was treated with strong antibiotics before they discovered she was pregnant. Doctors urged her to abort the baby for her own safety and told her that the medicines had caused irreversible damage to her baby. She refused the abortion and cited her Christian faith as the reason for her hope that her son would be born without the devastating disabilities physicians predicted. The doctors "didn't think of it as a life, they thought of it as a mass of fetal tissue," Pam... said.


While pregnant, Pam nearly lost their baby four times but refused to consider abortion. She recalled making a pledge to God with her husband, "If you will give us a son, we'll name him 'Timothy,' and we'll make him a preacher." Pam ultimately spent the last two months of her pregnancy in bed and, eventually, gave birth to a healthy baby boy August 14, 1987.

Pam's youngest son is indeed a preacher. He preaches in prisons, makes hospital visits, and serves with his father's ministry in the Philippines.

He also plays football. Pam's son is Tim Tebow.

Last year, the University of Florida's star quarterback, became the first sophomore in history to win college football's highest award, the Heisman Trophy. Tim's fame and the family's inspiring story have given Pam numerous opportunities to speak on behalf of women's centers across the country.